Falling in Insanity: The Thoughts of Another
by Prince Marth aka Xai
Summary: Kira is plagued by Flay's anger, but what can he do? He doesn't want to fight... Chapter Three is up, Sai has found Kira, but his joy is lost as he hears the feelings Kira has kept bottled up...
1. Falling in Insanity: The Thoughts of Ano

Falling in Insanity: The Thoughts of Another  
  
By: Prince Marth a.k.a. Xai  
  
Disclaimor: I don't own the characters...  
  
Kira stood in the docking bay of the Arch Angel, staring at his Gundam, thinking quietly. "Flay..... I never wanted this to happen.... i...... wish this stupid war would end...." Thoughts forced their way through Kira's mind as he stood there. He remembered Flay's father dying as he watcheed the ship blow up. He remembered the threats made by flay, how her anger had over-come her. He remembered staring into Athren's eyes as they battled. "...I never wanted to join this war.....so...... why am i here? All because i decided to pilot this machine, because i tried to help some one. I ended up in this war........ It's not like i want any one to die......." He stood his mind flooded with thoughts almost now staring blankly, he spoke quietly.  
  
"why does she think that just because i'm a coordinator that i did not fight my hardest? Why is it.... that.... just because i am a coordinator they think that i'll side with zaft? why is this... have to happen...? As he stood there Flay's anger engulffed his mind. "Flay.... i'm... sorry. Kira leaned against the gundam, tears rushed over his face. "Why is this my fault?!" Kira seemed convinced it was indeed his fault flay's father died, "They can't trust me.... but my friends do.... they do.....still though, i don't feel relived..why is this?" Kira was lost in thought, "I don't want to fight any more, i don't want anyone to die, but..." Just then the alarm sounded in the bay, some one shouted from above" We're going into battle!!" Kira looked up, "......If i don't fight some one else will die. I cannot allow that to happen!" Kira jumped into the strike. "Flay... this is... for you!!"  
  
Two othe gundams approached Kira as he exitted the bay. "Why can't you leave us alone?! Are you so obsessed with destruction that you just can't stop fighting?" They pilots stared over at Kira, "Heh, shut up, we aren't here to talk." "I don't care.." Kira drew his beam sword, his eyes became dark, "Fine, then go away." He slashed through the first one, disabling the arms of it and matched off against the second, which was carrying a blaster riffle. "So you want to play Kira?" the pilot taunted. KIra's voice was deep and full of distant anger, "Do you think this is a game." He knocked away the gundam's riffle and held his blade at the cockpit. "DO YOU?!" The pilot became fearful, but Kira did not change expression, "Do you think killing inoscent people is a game?! well? answer me!!" The pilot turned on his gundam's boosters, but Kira re-acted, his blade cut clear through the booster pack and damaged the main reactor. The suit retreated, and Kira's trance diminished. He came into the docking bay, he was crying.... 


	2. FiI: Inside Burning Out

Falling in Insanity: Inside Burning Out

By: Prince Marth a.k.a. Xai

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, but the story's mine.

Kira sat, facing his Gundam, sobbing silently. "Fl...aay...." He tried to move but his body stayed still as if it were a stone, and it had nothing to move it. "This feeling, this surge to kill...... it is in me!" Kira's voice raised to a shriek. "But I don't want to kill! My hands feel as if they held that sword back there, as if it were me standing out there trying to take the lives of those attackers. I felt that it was me, with nothing to hide my face, or protect my body...... I felt as if it were me showing this brutal display of hatred." Kira had appeared to be talking to Flay, as if she were there with him, however there was no one there, he was alone. "The saddest thing of all, the thing that haunts me, Is that it was me. I held that sword, I felt that urge to kill, I felt that urge to take life,...... to take life, without resistance." The bay was quiet.

A few floors above the captain waited, anticipating the arrival of her strike pilot, as to congratulate him on his display of skill. However, her anticipations were of a wasted effort. Kira had completed the fight nearly a half an hour ago and was no where to be found. Because the captain was so gleeful, though, she did not realize how long she had been waiting, and did not find it odd that Kira did not return. Kira tough showed no sign of returning, or even moving.

"I need to get out of this war........ no..... I need this war to end." Kira sat talking quietly to himself. "I don't want any one to die! I don't care what they are! There is no reason for us to be fighting!" Tears once again started at Kira's cheeks. "I don't understand... are we really that different that we have to fight each other because of our differences!?" Kira's voice hinted at a reserved anger. An anger that goes beyond that of possessions. an anger felt by the heart. "There are so many people out there, fighting, just out there killing each other because they are different! Because of what happened on 'Bloody Valentine's'. But shouldn't we stop the killing? Shouldn't we stop the bloodshed? So many people were killed then.... why do we have to go and kill more!? There is love out there...... Flay loved her father, and those zaft pilots, their parents love them...... and then...... my parents....." Kira fell to the ground, crying, shaking, sobbing. He cried, not as that of a child, nor as that of a man, but merely emptying his heart, in the sorrow he was forced to restrain when he was recruited as a pilot.

As dinner progressed, a floor above the bay, Kira's friends sat, quietly, they seemed more aware of Kira's disappearance. Flay, who claimed to be tired had left. Sai thought otherwise. Sai, one of Kira's good friends showed obvious signs of worrying, that none of the others tried to deny. Kira was not seen by any one of them, and Sai was getting scared. He had watched Kira's actions closely, but that was not what disturbed him, it was Kira's change in voice during the battle. The voice of a slayer of men. Sai was haunted by the voice, as Kira was haunted by the actions that voice had carried out. Sai became impatient and paced the room constantly; his meal had gone cold and untouched. Finally, after an hour and a half of waiting for Kira Sai got up, "I'm going to find him. I'm going to find out if anyone has seen Kira since the battle!" Sai's friends did not look shocked, they did not hesitate, they merely sat, knowing each of them was thinking the same thing. "You guys stay here, just in case he comes, I'll go check every where else." One of his friends stood up, "Do you want any one to help you?" "No.. no, I'll be fine.. Any way I wanted to talk to Kira...." "Oh..... I see.... about..." Sai nodded, remembering Flay's reactions on the day her father died.

Sai left the room without another word; he raced first up to the Captain's quarters, hoping to find Kira talking with her. As he approached he saw merely the captain, sitting there, looking very worried now. She spoke, sounding slightly off key, "Have you seen Kira?" "No, that's why I came here. Have you heard anything about him?" "No. Was it confirmed he even landed back on to the Legged ship?" "Yes, I checked the report, the strike landed..... but I have had no contact at all with Kira since then.." "Do you think..... no......" The captain almost seemed to be talking to herself, "Sai, keep looking for him, if you find him report back with him immediately." "Yes, ma'am." Sai left, looking much more worried than before, a sense of hopelessness veiled his mind. "The only other place is the docking bay.....and.... what was the captain about to say?...."


	3. FiI: Inside Burning Out Always a Sacrifi...

Falling in Insanity: Inside Burning Out

By: Prince Marth a.k.a. Xai

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.

* * *

Sai searched frantically now, he rushed into the docking bay, where he found Kira. Kira was quiet now, he didn't cry. He didn't move, however, either. Sai stood looking at Kira, wanting to congratulate him and express his relief in finding him, finally. He didn't, f course see Kira's face from the angle he stood at.

"Kira! There you are, I was wondering what happened to you!! You did great we're all worried about you, though since you didn't come up---"

Kira turned around, his tear-stained face shown, but his eyes gave a blank stare, as if he comprehended none of what Sai had just said.

"- Kira…… What's?"

"No more….. no more!" Kira began to cry, "I…I tried, but I can't do it any more!"

"Kira what are you?.....-"

"I tried, I tried so hard but I can't see it, I can't see a reason." Tears poured from Kira's eyes, "Sai, I can't see…… a reason… for why I'm fighting."

"Kira……. You're fighting to……protect…"

"…. But all I end up doing is getting confused, because I don't know…. Which is the right side? Why should there be a right side!?"

" I don't know, but you should head out of here, the captain wants to speak with you."

"I have no wish to speak with her." Kira's voice hinted anger.

"Kira?"

"It was her…… Why!? Why is it that I have to fight because I found out about these stupid things!" Kira looked to the gundam, "Ever since then I've had to fight, but when I finally can be released from it, some one dies because I couldn't be there!"

"Kira….? You can't mean that….-?"

"It was my fault that Flay's father died; it was my fault that that ship exploded! If I could have gotten there a second sooner……But if I had… I would have killed….."

"What do you mean 'I would have killed Kira?"

"I would have had to kill Athren in order to save Flay's father!!" Kira practically shouted this last saying, and tears, though slowed, ran down his cheek.

"Kira…"

For the last few things Kira said Sai had not made eye-contact with Kira directly. At this he looked away, eyes downcast. Sai now looked as if he were about to cry from the sheer complication of it all. Sai thought, 'any normal human would have died under this stress, is it because he isn't human that he hasn't collapsed yet? No, he has collapsed, his body just won't show it…" Kira looked up finally.

"Why is there always a sacrifice? Why does battle do this!/ I don't understand! I…I don't understand……."

Sai didn't turn to look at Kira, but thought about what he said. His eyes turned a gloomy grey-ish shade. Kira spoke again.

"Sai, I wanted to fight for Flay, I thought that maybe I would be able to find reason in my failure….. but all I found was sorrow."

Sai was struck, but he merely looked up, still avoiding Kira. "Let's go…. The others are worried." Kira moved, he did not resist, oddly. He stepped into the elevator with Sai and ascended. They walked in silence, first they would speak with the captain.


End file.
